Jokes Writing Themselves

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It’s dark humor, but it’s still humor — first, the headlines:

Now, here’s the punch line:

Like, something bad might happen if we do?

Update: Here’s another punch line:

You don’t even need the set-up for that one.

17 thoughts on “Jokes Writing Themselves”

  1. I learned three things listening to Secretary Paulson on the Bailout program yesterday:

    1. Paulson is a worse public speaker than Alan Greenspan (something I didn’t think possible), leaving a more confused image of the Bailout Program behind him.

    2. Homeowners will now not benefit from any kind of mortgage recovery from the Bailout, as it is now all going to keep banks afloat.

    3. Since thee has, so far, been no oversight by Congress over the program, Paulson can do anything he wants without accountability.

    In other words, we are screwed.

    This morning’s New York Times looks at it this way:

    The nation’s banks and other financial firms also are undergoing a necessary correction for which there is no silver bullet. But that hasn’t stopped Mr. Paulson from intervening forcefully — using taxpayer dollars — on behalf of an ever-expanding cast of bailout recipients. The tight fist is reserved for homeowners.

    That is a huge policy error. The whole point of the bailouts is to stabilize the financial system. But the system will not stabilize until house prices stabilize, and house prices will not stabilize until the government finds a way to stanch foreclosures on a large scale.

    Paulson, of course, wasn’t even in attendance at Bush’s Tuesday morning rollout of a new foreclosure prevention plan.

    Sheila Bair, the fead of FDIC had made a proposal that (according to Reuters)

    would have the government underwrite failing home loans, but Paulson said that kind of aid would break from the rescue fund’s aim to stabilize financial markets.

    “That is a subsidy or spending program. The TARP was investment, not spending,” said Paulson, who holds the purse strings to the Troubled Asset Relief Program (TARP).

    So we, as middle class homeowners, can now be aware of the fact that the billions of dollars in mortgaged properties nationwide are not assets. Democratic lawmakers, within hours, started pressing Paulson to change his point of view.

    “It is my sincere hope that Secretary Paulson collaborates with Chairman Bair to get this program up and running as soon as possible,” Senate Banking Chairman Christopher Dodd said in a statement.

    It remains to be seen what happens next.

    Under The LobsterScope

  2. I nearly fell over when I read the punchline. Bush asks peasants not to riot.

    #1 btchakir, I read financial blogs pretty regularly and I’ve heard mostly neutral to negative stuff about Paulsen too. He may well be a bad communicator (I haven’t heard or read anything by him) but his utter lack of explaining to the public what’s going on and what he’s doing about it is appalling – total lack of leadership – which only makes the markets more skitterish. He was only goaded into buying shares of the failing banks/institutions after the Brits came up with the idea and got it to work – his initial idea was to just throw money at them. I really get the sense he doesn’t know what he’s doing, and his free market ideology blinders him. And we just gave this guy a $700 bn blank check?

    Finally, Paulsen ran Goldman Sachs before his current gig. I’ve read reports where Goldman on the one hand was pushing risky investments based on subprime loans, while on the other knew it was going to blow up, and positioned themselves to benefit when the blow up did in fact happen. And isn’t it interesting that of all the big investment banks that have gone under, Goldman is still standing.

    There is a lot about Paulsen and the various bailouts that just stink. Unfortunately it’s so complicated that many experts come forth and give their idea of what happened, and while there is some agreement, there’s no single coherent explanation. Some sharp journalist is going to win a Pulitzer explaining how it all happened. I sure hope Obama has some better talent waiting in the wings than these guys.

  5. Jack K, I couldn’t get your link to work, but I’m quite familiar with the gist: My name is Inigo Montoya. You keeled my father. Prepare to die.

    moonbat, your remark, Bush asks peasants not to riot reminds me of that old Johnny Hart cartoon (the name escapes me) with the nasty, shrimpy king who was fond of saying, “The peasants are revolting.” As I recall, the shrimpy little king squinted a lot, and never did anything for anyone but himself. Just like Dubya.

    And my two paragraphs above are classic examples of Economic Bailout Attention Deficit Disorder (E! BADD!) I have such a hard time understanding the bailout, with its endless bait & switch tactics, hairpin turns, deliberate obfuscations and so on, I find myself easily distracted by Great Moments With Mandy Patinkin, and old comic strips from my childhood. Oy.

  6. It’s kind of funny that Bush keeps talking. Is anybody listening anymore?

    Future stories we can expect:
    “Bush Warns Against Being Two-Term President”
    “Bush Warns Against Mangling Words”
    “Bush Warns Against Having Dog Named Barney”

    Sarah keeps talking too. Odd. Even her fellow GOP governors kinda wish she’d shut up already. Still, with more interviews to work with, scientists may be able to develop a method of translating from Palinese to English.

    Andrew Sullivan has a piece that captures my essential problem with Sarah Palin and what she represents.

  9. I have no idea why anyone would trust bush or paulson who works for him.

    Palin is a gift that just keeps giving. She went to Miami and gave her stump speech to the conservative gov.????? If they don’t figure how to turn her into some kind of money maker…she may self destruct due to a terminal case of foot in mouth disease.

  10. I’ve been in Miami all week, made damn sure my hotel room door was closed and locked so that certain SOMEONE wouldn’t see a partially open door and come crashing inn……

  12. George Bush walks into a bar with a duck on his head. The bartender asks, “What would you like?”. The duck replies,” I’d like to know how I can get this shit off my feet!”

  13. Btchakir your slideshow is amazing. The benefits of capitalism without the risks! Amazing… I’m speechless.

  14. Here’s a question: With 3 Senate seats undecided for a while, (recounts & special election in GA) the jury is out on a 60-seat majority in the Senate. But there is the presumption that the Republicans will continue ot operate as a homogenous group – after getting their butts kicked 2 elections in a row. If you were a Republican who would be up for reelection in 2010, do you want the Democrats to cite your record of blocking every bit of legislation that came up?? Any Republican Senator up for reelection in 2010 will do whatever will help him keep his seat – and if that means screwing the GOP – that’s what will happen.

    That’s the good news: the bad news is the Democrats ARE in control of their own destiny and will be jusged on their ability to produce results. They can tale al the credit if they win; they take all the blame if they fail.

  15. #11 They definately live in a different world from me. If I am broke, I stay at home. It sounds like they don’t have a room in the office building to meet in doesn’t it.

  16. Recent comment by an ‘important’ Republican operative – government oversight of bail-out recipients will only result in the recipients refusing to accept the bail-out. It’s quite obvious that Republicans slipped into dadaism – exploiting the accidental and incongruous – about 30 years ago, and that statement indicates that the slip has taken them right off the cliff.

    Somebody said that an economist is a guy who can’t tell you tomorrow why what he forecast yesterday didn’t happen today. Paulson is obviously an economist, not to mention a self-serving bastard.

  17. The other day CNN reported a trillion dollar unaccounted for giveaway at the Fed. today Kucinich is complaining about the bait and switch, mortgage bailout? no not now. I thought this would be the deal and it is. No one wants to help GM (read UAW). So homeowners and UAW get screwed, banks get uplifted, credit is squeezed( us ) and they even may be granting loans for Toyota but not Chevy. Looks like the quote from Cheney in December2001. when Treasury Sec O’Neill asked about tax cuts for the richest the reply was” deficits don’t matter. It’s our due”. Looks like the monied class still thinks a last minute ripoff of the whole country is their due and theirs alone. Looks like they set up a gigantic mess for Obama, not reporting their real debts until a month before the election. Usual smash and grab tactics from the uber rich. I wish they would go to another country and prey on some other population. I am tired of being their cash cow.

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