I don’t want to listen to the creep, mind you, especially since I have yet to recover completely from the flu. But since this is the last State of the Union speech he’s going to give I thought it might have some comic moments.

FYI, if you’re watching on C-SPAN, stay tuned after the speech ends to listen for Susie Madrak of Suburban Guerrilla. She should be giving her comments about 10:30.

Show Time

9:00. The Cabinet is shuffling in. Tweety is gushing about how much everybody loves Condi Rice. He thinks she’ll be a veep candidate. Please.

9:05. Apparently some people actually want to be seen with the Creep on national television. No shame.

9:07. Ted Kennedy and Barack Obama are sitting together.

9:09. OK, here we go.

He’s calling for bipartisanship. This is like Heidi Fleiss calling for chastity. He admits there is short-term concern about the economy. Now he’s talking about the worthless stimulus package and saying that the Senate had better pass it as is and not tweak it.

9:13. Tax relief. Tax relief. He told a joke on people who say they don’t mind their taxes rising. The Dems sit on their hands. Make the tax relief permanent, he says. Standing ovation from Republicans, stone silence from Dems.

He promises to veto any bill that raises taxes.

He says that the government should spend tax dollars wisely. Iraq, anyone? Balance the budget? What a joke.

9:16. Earmarks. Where did I read today that Bush’s earmark policy is a scam? Here it is.

9:19. Health care reform by “expanding consumer choice.”

I have proposed ending the bias in the tax code against those who do not get their health insurance through their employer. This one reform would put private coverage within reach for millions, and I call on the Congress to pass it this year.

What bias? I deduct all of the cost of my health insurance from my taxes.

9:20. He’s claiming that No Child Left Behind has been a success. Amazing.

9:22. Oh, I like this. He wants to give Pell grants to primary and secondary students to go to private schools. The debts they graduate from college with aren’t high enough.

If we fail to pass this agreement, we will embolden the purveyors of false populism in our hemisphere.

Look in a mirror, chimpy.

Trade brings better jobs, better choices, and better prices. Yet for some Americans, trade can mean losing a job, and the Federal Government has a responsibility to help. I ask the Congress to reauthorize and reform trade adjustment assistance, so we can help these displaced workers learn new skills and find new jobs.

Education for jobs that don’t exist.

9:26. Now he’s talking about the environment. What I said above about Heidi Fleiss calling for chastity.

I saw a couple of Democrats clapping. Somebody take their names.

So I ask the Congress to double Federal support for critical basic research in the physical sciences and ensure America remains the most dynamic nation on earth.

But don’t raise taxes to pay for it.

9:29. Embryonic stems cells. Keep ’em frozen.

9:30.

On matters of justice, we must trust in the wisdom of our Founders and empower judges who understand that the Constitution means what it says.

Heidi Fleiss, etc.

9:31. Volunteers for America! Cause the Gubmint won’t help you!

Tonight the armies of compassion continue the march to a new day in the Gulf Coast. America honors the strength and resilience of the people of this region. We reaffirm our pledge to help them build stronger and better than before. And tonight I am pleased to announce that in April we will host this year’s North American Summit of Canada, Mexico, and the United States in the great city of New Orleans.

No shame.

Now he’s going to call on Congress to save Social Security and Medicare. Republicans applaud. Two Dem programs the Republicans want to destroy.

Secure the border. Guest workers. Tepid applause.

9:35.

Our foreign policy is based on a clear premise: We trust that people, when given the chance, will choose a future of freedom and peace.

And we’ve seen to it they don’t get that chance.

In the last 7 years, we have witnessed stirring moments in the history of liberty. We have seen citizens in Georgia and Ukraine stand up for their right to free and fair elections.

Well, send the Republican Party over there. That’ll stop those free and fair elections.

Since September 11, we have taken the fight to these terrorists and extremists. We will stay on the offense, we will keep up the pressure, and we will deliver justice to the enemies of America.

Running out of time, dude.

9:38. We’re spreading the hope of freedom, he says. He’s adding 3,200 Marines to our forces in Afghanistan. A bit late; people have been asking for this for years.

He’s talking about Iraq. And, y’know, there’s nothing on television at all tonight. There’s a Law and Order rerun on TNT, but that’s about it.

There’s wrestling on USA. A guy in blue trunks just jumped all the way over a guy in brown trunks.

9:44. Chimpy is saying al Qaeda is on the run in Iraq. Except the al Qaeda in Iraq is not the same al Qaeda that hit us on 9/11. He always fails to mention that.

9:46. Nancy Pelosi looks as if she’s struggling to stay awake.

9:47. 20,000 troops are coming home, he says. Biggest applause of the night.

9:49. Commercials on USA. I wanted to see what the wrestlers were doing.

9:50. He says he’s not going to rest. He must have lost his pet pillow.

9:51. He’s calling for a Palestinian state by the end of this year. Like nobody ever thought of that before.

9:52. He’s past the halfway point in the speech, but unless he starts reading real fast he’s not going to be done by 10:00.

9:54. I’ll say one thing; he’s only mentioned 9/11 about three times, I believe.

9:56. Back to USA. A big guy in red trunks with “Samoa” written across his belly is about to take on two other guys. This could be fun.

9:58. Bush has five more paragraphs to get through.

10:00. Animal Precinct! New York City! 8 million People! 5 million Pets! (Animal Planet)

10:02. He’s on the last paragraph. It’s almost over.

He’s done. Keith Olbermann is saying the SOTU was all about Bush’s unfinished business; oldies but moldies. This thing’s going to be torn apart.

I guess I missed the part in which he called on Iran to stop its nuclear program. I thought we’d been through that already.

Well, I may comment further, or not. As I said, I’m still recovering from the flu and find I get tired very quickly. I need an Alleve.